More on the traditions of Christmas trees, Santa Claus, and candy canes.

From its modest beginnings, Christmas has evolved into the biggest celebration in the world.

Christmas is the fourth most important Christian date after Easter,KFC Coupons Online, Pentecost, and Epiphany, a feast held January 6 to commemorate the manifestation of the divinity of Jesus. Roman Catholics and Protestants celebrate the birth of Jesus on December 25. Many Orthodox Christians use the Julian calendar, which places Christmas around January 6.

Early Christians, however, did not celebrate Christmas. There was disagreement about when Jesus was born and some early Christians opposed celebrating his birthday. In the fourth century Christmas was added to the Church calendar as a feast day.

December 25 was a significant date for various early cultures. The ancient Babylonians believed the son of the queen of heaven was born on December 25. The Egyptians celebrated the birth of the son of the fertility goddess Isis on the same date, while ancient Arabs contended that the moon was born on December 24.

The Romans celebrated Saturnalia, a feast named for Saturn, god of agriculture, on December 21, the winter solstice in the northern hemisphere. They believed the shortest day of the year was the birthday of the sun. The Roman emperor Constantine was a member of the sun-cult before converting to Christianity in 312.

Some scholars suspect that Christians chose to celebrate Christ's birth on December 25 to make it easier to convert the pagan tribes. Referring to Jesus as the "light of the world" also fit with existing pagan beliefs about the birth of the sun. The ancient "return of the sun" philosophy had been replaced by the "coming of the son" message of Christianity.

Gradually, Christmas celebrations began to adopt the joyful, often boisterous, holiday traditions of pagan cultures. The story of the nativity was told through music, art, and dance.

Some Medieval Christians objected, however, maintaining that Christmas should be a somber religious day, not a secular festival. After the Reformation, certain Protestant groups opposed Christmas celebrations. Oliver Cromwell banned them in England. King Charles II restored Christmas when he ascended the throne.

In the American colonies, Puritans, Baptists, Quakers, and Presbyterians opposed the festivities, while Catholics, Anglicans (Episcopalians), Dutch Reformed, and Lutherans approved.

Christmas celebrations became more common in America during the mid-1800s. The introduction of Christmas services in Sunday schools reduced religious opposition, while the Charles Dickens novel A Christmas Carol popularized the holiday as a family event.

Information Please® Database, © 2007 Pearson Education,KFC Coupons Online, Inc. All rights reserved.

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Where did it come from?
Where is it going?

In many countries of the world, the celebration of Christmas on December 25th is a high point of the year. But why? Can it have any real meaning for us today? Is there a 'real' Christmas message? Christmas celebrations in the West today

From November onwards, it is impossible to forget that Christmas is coming. Coloured lights decorate many town centres and shops, along with shiny decorations, and artificial snow painted on shop windows.

In streets and shops, 'Christmas trees' (real or plastic evergreen 'conifer' trees) will also be decorated with lights and Christmas ornaments. Shopping centres become busier as December approaches and often stay open till late.Shopping centre speaker systems systems will play Christmas 'carols' - the traditional Christmas Christian songs, and groups of people will often sing carols on the streets to raise money for charity. Most places of work will hold a short Christmas party about a week before Christmas. Although traditional Christmas foods may be eaten, drink (and plenty of it) means that little work will be done after the party!

By mid-December, most homes will also be decorated with Christmas trees, coloured lights and paper or plastic decorations around the rooms. These days, many more people also decorate garden trees or house walls with coloured electric lights, a habit which has long been popular in USA. In many countries, most people post Christmas greeting cards to their friends and family, and these cards will be hung on the walls of their homes. In UK this year, the British Post Office expects to handle over 100 million cards EACH DAY, in the three weeks before Christmas. Christmas cards

The custom of sending Christmas cards started in Britain in 1840 when the first 'Penny Post' public postal deliveries began. (Helped by the new railway system, the public postal service was the 19th century's communication revolution, just as email is for us today.) As printing methods improved, Christmas cards were produced in large numbers from about 1860. They became even more popular in Britain when a card could be posted in an unsealed envelope for one half-penny - half the price of an ordinary letter.

Traditionally, Christmas cards showed religious pictures - Mary, Joseph and baby Jesus, or other parts of the Christmas story. Today, pictures are often jokes, winter pictures, Father Christmas, or romantic scenes of life in past times. The old man with the sack

'Father Christmas' (or 'Santa Claus') has become the human face of Christmas. Pictures will be seen everywhere of the old man with long white beard, red coat, and bag of toys. Children are taught that he brings them presents the night before Christmas (or in some countries on December 6th - St. Nicholas' Day), and many children up to the age of 7 or 8 really believe this is true. In most countries, it is said that he lives near the North Pole,cool pics, and arrives through the sky on a sledge (snow-cart) pulled by reindeer. He comes into houses down the chimney at midnight and places presents for the children in socks or bags by their beds or in front of the family Christmas tree. In shops or at children's parties, someone will dress up as Father Christmas and give small presents to children, or ask them what gifts they want for Christmas. Christmas can be a time of magic and excitement for children.

Who was he?

Father Christmas is based on a real person, St. Nicholas, which explains his other name 'Santa Claus' which comes from the Dutch 'Sinterklaas'. Nicholas was a Christian leader from Myra (in modern-day Turkey) in the 4th century AD. He was very shy, and wanted to give money to poor people without them knowing about it. It is said that one day, he climbed the roof of a house and dropped a purse of money down the chimney. It landed in the stocking which a girl had put to dry by the fire! This may explain the belief that Father Christmas comes down the chimney and places gifts in children's stockings.

Boxing Day

In English-speaking countries, the day following Christmas Day is called 'Boxing Day'. This word comes from the custom which started in the Middle Ages around 800 years ago: churches would open their 'alms boxe' (boxes in which people had placed gifts of money) and distribute the contents to poor people in the neighbourhood on the day after Christmas. The tradition continues today - small gifts are often given to delivery workers such as postal staff and children who deliver newspapers. 

Making sense of Christmas

Today in the West, not many people consider the religious meaning to Christmas. Most people in UK or Europe will not go to a religious church meeting, even at Christmas. It has become a busy race to spend money on presents, and get ready for the Day. In UK, our shops stay open till late Christmas Eve and often open again on Boxing Day with the cut-price 'sales'. (Not much holiday for the poor shop workers!) A visitor from another world would think that Christmas was a festival to the gods of money and shopping.

What do you want from Christmas?

Many people do hope for more than presents at Christmas. We want to somehow return to a time in our childhood (or some other good time in the past), when life was simpler and made more sense, before the troubles of adult life arrived. We feel sure that behind all the fun and decorations, there must somehow be a message, something more, some key to life, hope and happiness.

So can we look beyond the way Christmas is celebrated today, and find any real meaning, any message for our lives today? How different countries celebrate Christmas
Do you know what they eat in Latvia on Christmas Day?

The real Christmas Story
What really happened?

How did the story end? OR DID IT?

The Manger by Pearlie Walker - Poem

'C H R I S T M A S' by Joan Clifton Costner - Poem

'~ Christmas in the Air ~' by Marie Williams - Poem

'Christmas Memories' by Marie Williams - Poem

Mohinder's true story Christmas was just a good time to drink extra whisky and beer for Mohinder, until he found the real meaning of Christmas. The problem page Christmas can often be a time of debt, stress, worry, loneliness, even suicide. Our problem pages try to help.

How did Christmas start?

Since about 400 AD, Christians have celebrated the birth of Jesus. 'Christ' means 'Messiah' or 'Anointed One' - the title given to Jesus - and 'Mass' was a religious festival.

In the West today, the real meaning of Christmas is often forgotten. It has become a non-religious holiday! More children believe in Father Christmas than in Jesus. Christmas Day is a time for eating and drinking too much and watching television.

But the real Christmas story is found in the Christian Bible. It is told in two different books: Matthew and Luke chapters 1 and 2. If you have no Bible, you can read these chapters online. You may think that the story of the birth of Jesus, and the way that the West celebrates Christmas today, do not seem to have many connections.

Mary says "yes"
copyright New Tribes These chapters tell how Jesus was born as a baby to Mary. This was no ordinary birth! She was not married, she was a virgin, (yes, really!) and an angel had told her she would bear a special baby. Her husband-to-be, Joseph, did not believe her at first. Who would? Then an angel told him in a dream that it was true! Probably no one else believed it. So when they had to travel from their home in Nazareth to Bethlehem (near Jerusalem), to register their names with the ruling Roman government, they probably escaped many hard words from other people.

Arrival in Bethlehem brought worry and upset: there was no room for them to stay at the hotel. There was only space in the stable - the animal house for travellers' donkeys and horses. Jesus was born that night, and as they had no bed for him, they used an animal feeding box filled with the dry grass the animals ate.

Christmas cards and pictures today make it all seem very nice. In truth, it must have been dirty and frightening for a young couple, far from their home and families. Possibly the birth was premature after the stress of the journey. This was a very poor place for Jesus to start his life on earth.

God's plan?

Christians believe that it was exactly God's plan that things happened this way. They say that it shows that Jesus came as a humble,cool photos, poor person and not as a strong, rich king. They also claim that the birth of Jesus was told many years before in the books of the prophets.

Five hundred years before, the prophet Micah had said,

"But you Bethlehem, though you are small, out of you will come for me, one who will be ruler over Israel, whose origins are from of old, from ancient times."

The prophet Isaiah had written,

"A child is born to us! A son is given to us! And he will be our ruler.

He will be called, "Wonderful Counsellor," "Mighty God," "Eternal Father," "Prince of Peace." His royal power will continue to grow; his kingdom will always be at peace....

He will rule as King David's successor, basing his power on right and justice, from now until the end of time."

These are only two of many prophetic words that told of the birth and life of Jesus, written hundreds of years before His birth. The shepherds are frightened
copyright New Tribes At that time, sheep farmers were seen by other people as low and of no value. Yet it was to these shepherds that the birth of Jesus was first announced in an amazing dramatic way:

"That night there were some men looking after sheep in the fields nearby. Suddenly they saw a great light. It was an angel, who said, 'Don't be afraid. I have good news for you, and for all people. Someone great has been born today. He is Christ, the great King you have been waiting for. He will save you from all that is wrong and evil. You will find him dressed in baby clothes, lying on a bed of dry grass.'"

The story of the wise men

After Jesus was born, wise men came to look for Him, from an area which is now in either Iran or Saudi Arabia. Although they are often called the "Three Kings", the Bible does not say how many there were, or that they were kings. Three is only a guess because they brought with them three gifts.

Gold, Frankincense and Myrrh

They were certainly men of learning - probably today we would call them philosophers or scientists. They had seen an unusual new star in the sky, and knew that it told of the birth of a special king. (The star they saw was probably a exploding "supernova" and is known from astronomical records.) They followed the direction of the star and eventually found the place where Mary, Joseph and Jesus were staying. To bring honour to the child, they brought rich gifts: gold, frankincense (a resin which burns with a beautiful smell), and myrrh (plant oil with a very strong sweet smell). These gifts tell us in pictures three key things about Jesus:

 Gold: a gift fit for a King

 Frankincense: burnt in worship of God

 Myrrh: a sign of mortal human-ness - it was used to bury the dead

Jesus a refugee

Herod, the evil king of the area, heard about the child, saw Him as a threat, and sent soldiers to kill Jesus. But God told Joseph in a dream to take Mary and the baby and escape to Egypt. They lived there till King Herod died and then went back to live in Nazareth. We read nothing more about the life of Jesus, except for one story when he was 12, until He reached 30. By the way - note one important thing: Jesus was not a white European, and Christianity is not a Western religion. Christmas cards from different countries often show Mary, Joseph and Jesus in the landscape of that country, and with the racial appearance of that nationality, be it black African, Indian, or Japanese. This is good and right - Jesus came to identify with every racial group. He is "Everyman" for us all.

The end of the story?

Here is a newspaper cartoon printed some years ago, showing Father Christmas reading the Christmas story to a child. "But how did it end?" the child asks. Behind them, you can see the Cross (execution pole) on which Jesus was killed at the age of 33.

Jesus was indeed "the man born to die". But that was not the end of the story. It is still going on, and you can be part of the story, if you wish.

"But how did it end?"

with permission: courtesy
The Guardian/Observer

No other person has had such an effect on human lives as Jesus. He came back to life again, and millions say they know Him today as a friend and helper in their lives. You owe it to yourself to find out more about Him. Is He who He claimed to be? Can He help us in our lives today? You have nothing to lose! Christmas is the time to stop and think about these important questions. What Christmas is all about? - Poem

Little Baby Jesus - Poem The Manger Scene - Poem

Blessed Holy Night -Poem

The Perfect Tree. A Short Story for Christmas. Mohinder's true story Christmas was just a good time to drink more whisky and beer for Mohinder, until he found the real meaning of Christmas.

Finding help in our lives Can God really meet our needs today? Use your 'back button' to return to this page click here to read Belorussian translation of this page.

More Christmas links Send free Online Cards to your friends and loved ones. All cards are absolutely free

Christmas Card Day Another free Christmas Card site

Christmas eCards,Santa Claus Cards, Christmas Greetings, Happy Christmas from GreetingsneCards.comMerry Christmas! Share the Christmas spirit, and wish everyone you know. Have Fun on Christmas with Merry Christmas Greeting Cards, Free Christmas ecards, Christmas Carols, Christmas Greetings

Christmas in Cyperspace More on the real meaning of Christmas. A top collection of stories, poems, classic literature, calendars, traditions and customs, music and carols, dramas, clipart and more.

Searching for the meaning of Christmas Another very useful site with many links and lots of information on every part of Christmas. A large section on Christmas customs in many other countries.

RealAudio drama presentation - 'The 12 Voices of Christmas'
If you have a soundcard and RealAudio plug-in, you can listen to the Christmas story, and hear the voices of Joseph, Mary, the shepherds, and the other people who saw the birth of Jesus. A great new way to look at the Christmas Story!

Christmassprite Traditional Christmas colors.

"ST. NICHOLAS: DISCOVERING THE TRUTH ABOUT SANTA CLAUS" As an adult, have already discovered the truth about Santa--but many children still wonder, with a world of questions. What do you tell them? The St. Nicholas Web site is designed to help. The St. Nicholas Center wants to help your children learn about the real "St Nicholas, lover of the poor and patron saint to children. Kids will enjoy games and fun--and the whole family will gain a deeper perspective on the REAL St. Nick! - Saint Nicholas:

Christmas Taking you back to an era of Holiday Traditions we remember as Children. Send a letter to Santa, read holiday stories, Find Christmas carols, lyrics, and arts and crafts. Find Christmas recipes and care for that holiday plant Santa gave you. Track Santa on Christmas Eve.

Santa Letters 4 Kids Another site where children can receive a letter from Santa!

Christmas Graphics World's Largest Collection of Christmas graphics!

Christmas Graphics Plus A free clip art web site which has Christmas as its central theme, and also has galleries for most major holidays.

The First Christmas TreeOrigins of the First Christmas Tree

If you have any sort of concern or worry, please look at our Problem Page. SOON Online Magazine homepage
The International Ezine with a difference. Problem page, true stories, interviews, "life and how to survive it" section, religion, science, news, ­ your language and country pages, and much more. Real stories of people who found true happiness.

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desensitization bodily remedy concern by midnight_rainstorm: How do I offer with physical discomfort without having medicine?
I lately was diagnosed with a modest tumor in my spinal chord. The surgical treatment went fantastic, but the recovery is predicted to be exceedingly distressing. Its been a week and I am so sensitive on my neck a handful of strands of hair that slipped out of my ponytail left me near tears. I am off IV meds totally, and commence remedy shortly. The only way to offer with the hypersensitivity is Desensitization Therapy…and pain meds supposedly defeat the function. I am getting items to relaxed the nerves donw my medical doctor gave me but because I am only 14 they are unable to be that robust and handle the cause not the symptom and don’t commence kicking in until a week from now. How can I deal with this finest? Any techniques or tips at all would help! I’m confident the therapist will have recommendations but I’m nervous and would like much more data of my personal.
Since I just arrived out of surgery,Desensitization, I am not permitted to submerge my back in h2o fully. And the explanation I am inquiring is because ice packs or warmth packs,desensitization therapy, which had been the 1st selection, aren’t an alternative. I can’t tolerate anything at all touching my back again. I cannot even have the AC on since the breeze of it hurts.

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I'm trying to come up with funny dog slogans and sayings for dog tshirts, funny things, bit risque things,anything that you think would be funny on a dog!

Resolved Question

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Need help with coming up for funny slogans and sayings to put on dog shirts?

I'm trying to come up with funny dog slogans and sayings for dog tshirts, funny things, bit risque things,anything that you think would be funny on a dog!

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker

Batteries not required

I have issues

What happen in the park stays in the park

I got up now feed me

No deal Howie!

Get this shirt off me

Dose shirt make me look fat?

Got treats?

High Maintenance

......................................��

Just some of the sayings on my dogs shirts

Source(s):

M

If you think I'm cute you should see my owner!! and will lick faces for treats!!

Dogs rule

im taking my owner for a walk.aren't i cute,dog pictures, you should see my owner.i like doggie style.oh pee on itif you roll over my owner will scratch your stomach too. thats all my brain can come up with right now.

One of us is a b****

Help! My owner is making me wear this,funny dog pictures! I'm not Paris Hilton!

GET IF OFF ME!

I'M A DOG NOT A BABY!

mmm I know one but I think its kinda of agressive...so dont take it in a bad way ok? :) i do think is funny though..

"if u think life��s a b****...wait to meet the puppies"

10cents a lick

One of my rescue shirts (doberman rescue) has a silhuette of 2 doberman heads.It says, "I like burglars, they taste like chicken!"

I think it's hilarious :)I get lots of reactions, when people read it they always bust out laughing.

Definitely my favorite shirt lol

who's walking who?

Sh*t happens. :)

Dogs are really people with short legs in fur coats

Dogs are people too

Be tuff ! The "dog days" of summer can be wuff !

Chasing your tail gets you nowhere ... 'cept back to where you started

Family and friends welcome. Fleas are not.

Friends Fur-ever

You can't run with the big boys if you pee like a puppy!

If you want the best seat in the house ... move the dog

Life is just one table scrap after another

My dog's not spoiled ... I'm just well trained !

Recycle bones here

When please doesn't work ... Beg !

Beware of attack puppy

"A barking dog never bites."

"Barking up the wrong tree."

"Let sleeping dogs lie."

"Tail wagging the dog."

"You can't teach an old dog new tricks."

I love Jean's and Michelle's!!

I Eat Falcons

• It may just be a birthmark.My grammas dog had chow
• bout this
• I have a 3 mo old male Dachshund

I really need you to say a prayer & add this man to your prayer list at church. His name is Glenn Hines.

My mom's best friend had a heart attack about 5 months ago. He was in the hospital & had been asleep for almost 2 months when they decided to take the breathing tube off of him. When they did he kept breathing ok on his own but still had not woke up. He is a firm beleiver in God & his family would not even let a preacher come into the hospital to pray for him. The preacher came back again the following week & they let him in. 3 days later Glenn woke up,pictures of dogs! But he doesn't remember anything. The doctor said that he had extensive brain damage & that his brain had gone to long without oxygen. They have now moved him to a reahabilitation center almost 100 miles away from home...he can walk,talk,feed him self & everything anybody else could do except for remember. He even thinks the rehabilitation center is a new house he just bought. My mom called him one day & he didnt know who she was

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I know this is the dog category but...?

I really need you to say a prayer & add this man to your prayer list at church. His name is Glenn Hines.

My mom's best friend had a heart attack about 5 months ago. He was in the hospital & had been asleep for almost 2 months when they decided to take the breathing tube off of him. When they did he kept breathing ok on his own but still had not woke up. He is a firm beleiver in God & his family would not even let a preacher come into the hospital to pray for him. The preacher came back again the following week & they let him in. 3 days later Glenn woke up! But he doesn't remember anything. The doctor said that he had extensive brain damage & that his brain had gone to long without oxygen. They have now moved him to a reahabilitation center almost 100 miles away from home...he can walk,dog pictures,talk,feed him self & everything anybody else could do except for remember. He even thinks the rehabilitation center is a new house he just bought. My mom called him one day & he didnt know who she was

Best Answer - Chosen by Voters

You have my thoughts and sympathies, it's sad to hear that any one has to go through that and that his family is refusing to let you see him. It sounds like he had money and sycophantic family, which is just the worst.. I hope they get their act together and realize how much more precious family is over money.

To the callous people above me, it's easy to say "Get over it" or "Track him down" but some times that's no feasible. Even she did find the guy, if the family told the hospital "No one but immediate family" then there's nothing that can be done. Would it kill you to show a little sympathy to your fellow humans?

Um sorry buthe probably has issues with his brain but the braincan be retrained -- why don't you track him down & visit him as often as you can ?? even if he cant remeber youetc - bring pictures & talk about the stuff you guys did together ?? I'm sure he's lonely

how about no. people die every day and noone cares or prays for them. my best friend got murdered and his murdered is probably gonna be out of jail before his time is up so no i wont.

just shut up already.

• Definition of BUB
• I have a 3 mo old male Dachshund
• It may just be a birthmark.My grammas dog had chow

i really want to get this song, but i cant find it on i tunes or limewire? does anyone know where i can download the song?

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Where can you download the song acts of courage by x-ray dog for your ipod?

i really want to get this song,dog pictures, but i cant find it on i tunes or limewire? does anyone know where i can download the song?

Best Answer - Chosen by Voters

There is free sitelot of users complain that these sites have lot of virus and spyware due to music are upload by public. it will crash you system if you don't have a good Virus Scanning software.

Also take note that those sites are sharing some copyright music article and facing court case now. so do it carefully if you want to download free music.

For me,pictures of dogs, for the sake of trouble free, i follow my friends to join the member for iPod Download Pro site. All iPod music, games and movies is for member to download with no extra charge.

Go to http://online-download-site.com/iPodDown�� site.

This being the classical music category, is probably not the best place to ask. Few of the regular contributors even know what that is.

best site is http://mymp3archive.com

search for it on mp3obsession.com

• and are always there for you
• It may just be a birthmark.My grammas dog had chow
• bout this

Lets talk about the B's

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For every Female dog there was a Motherless man?

Lets talk about the B's

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker

Ok if you say so

i'm confused.

are you saying she's a *****? and somehow neglected her role as being a mother? maybe by illicit activities perhaps?

I'm sure this is pretty deep,dog pictures, but I don't get it. Can you 'draw me a picture'?

need more of a ? to answer .............do not understand

• I have a 3 mo old male Dachshund
• and are always there for you
• Malaysian dog owners using canes on dogs

Okay, I've had some say "Sista Queen, try being a lady" Okay, *****,funny dog pictures! I will if you promise to ****** pay me. Lady-like? Oh, you mean a dyke always ready to fight cuz if you touch me I might just ******' fight. **** it, I will. I got so much gutta being slung from my tongue. If it was '92, NWA would have appeared to be nuns, cuz I be spittin' the reals of life and obvious puns. Pussy dudes lift weights; I'm a woman,pictures of dogs, and I lift tons. Try being a lady? Oh you mean you want me to act catty and shady, play with me like a dog, degrade me then trade me, use me as your trophy so that you can parade me, use my vagina to only birth babies, be your damsel in distress so a brotha can save me? Hmm, how bout naw! Cuz if my tongue was a trigger, you'd a been shot. Get real, I'm a stay inappropriate til I ******' rot! I don't talk about love; I don't talk about sex; I don't talk about things that'll put your dick on erect! I won't pour you some tea; I won't bake you some cookies; I won't be your next Ciara, singin' about 'My Goodies'; I won't speak when I'm spoken to. How about I speak when I choose. I don't care if you the prez, I'm gon' speak my views.

I wont be what you want; I won't be what you ask. How 'bout some of you 'ladies' show your real faces cuz I've already ripped off my mask. I won't cooperate wit you and the ones that do follow these rules I pity these fools cuz evidently they stupid enough to drown themselves in kiddie pools!

Cuz I'm a knuckle poppin', cock blockin', dollar stockin', ear shockin', brain rockin', use my time for the tick-tockin', boot knockin', word stalkin', crude talkin' young lady. I'm a gut you up with triggerous words that'll make you shut up, leave you ****** up! Got dagger-like tones that'll cut you up, turn yo *** into confetti, leaving you wrecked by my words machete. So go ahead and talk about how I need to contain myself, shouldn't be saying myself! So if you mad now, I'm gon' piss you off 'til you sick.

How 'bout this: I'm a get a sex change operation so you and half of America can officially ************! Hold up. Okay, maybe I've been too much of a smart *** and gave too much lip to you. How 'bout this: I'm a put my hand on my hip for you. Is this lady-like enough for you? **** you, cuz see none of this **** fades me. I just want you all to think of Sista Queen the next time you suggest someone to try being A Damn Lady

Resolved Question

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Rate this......?

Okay, I've had some say "Sista Queen, try being a lady" Okay, *****! I will if you promise to ****** pay me. Lady-like? Oh, you mean a dyke always ready to fight cuz if you touch me I might just ******' fight. **** it, I will. I got so much gutta being slung from my tongue. If it was '92, NWA would have appeared to be nuns, cuz I be spittin' the reals of life and obvious puns. Pussy dudes lift weights; I'm a woman, and I lift tons. Try being a lady? Oh you mean you want me to act catty and shady, play with me like a dog, degrade me then trade me, use me as your trophy so that you can parade me, use my vagina to only birth babies, be your damsel in distress so a brotha can save me? Hmm, how bout naw! Cuz if my tongue was a trigger, you'd a been shot. Get real, I'm a stay inappropriate til I ******' rot! I don't talk about love; I don't talk about sex; I don't talk about things that'll put your dick on erect! I won't pour you some tea; I won't bake you some cookies; I won't be your next Ciara, singin' about 'My Goodies'; I won't speak when I'm spoken to. How about I speak when I choose. I don't care if you the prez, I'm gon' speak my views.

I wont be what you want; I won't be what you ask. How 'bout some of you 'ladies' show your real faces cuz I've already ripped off my mask. I won't cooperate wit you and the ones that do follow these rules I pity these fools cuz evidently they stupid enough to drown themselves in kiddie pools!

Cuz I'm a knuckle poppin', cock blockin', dollar stockin', ear shockin', brain rockin', use my time for the tick-tockin', boot knockin', word stalkin', crude talkin' young lady. I'm a gut you up with triggerous words that'll make you shut up, leave you ****** up! Got dagger-like tones that'll cut you up, turn yo *** into confetti, leaving you wrecked by my words machete. So go ahead and talk about how I need to contain myself, shouldn't be saying myself! So if you mad now, I'm gon' piss you off 'til you sick.

How 'bout this: I'm a get a sex change operation so you and half of America can officially ************! Hold up. Okay, maybe I've been too much of a smart *** and gave too much lip to you. How 'bout this: I'm a put my hand on my hip for you. Is this lady-like enough for you? **** you, cuz see none of this **** fades me. I just want you all to think of Sista Queen the next time you suggest someone to try being A Damn Lady

Best Answer - Chosen by Voters

lmfao @ "Cuz I'm a knuckle poppin', cock blockin', dollar stockin', ear shockin', brain rockin', use my time for the tick-tockin', boot knockin', word stalkin', crude talkin' young lady."

thats all i got to say.

That is SO hot!It's my life story but you said it so much better than I could have.

Woah! That's alot. Damn, let's see....you should work on it a little more.

lol wtf

• Definition of BUB
• bout this
• Malaysian dog owners using canes on dogs

I just need some good yo momma jokes

i heard of almost all of em

but me and my dad play that in the car

just give me some

please

lol

Resolved Question

Show me another »

How many of you guys can give me new Yo Momma Jokes?

I just need some good yo momma jokes

i heard of almost all of em

but me and my dad play that in the car

just give me some

please

lol

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker

Yo mama is so gangsta she wear her wig sideways

Yo mama armpit is so hairy,blonde jokes, it's like she got bigfoot in a headlock.

yo momma's so poor i saw her kickin a tin can down the street, i asked her what she was doin and she said "movin' "

Yo Momma so short you can see her feet in her passport photo

Yo momma so stupid that when she got shot outside the supermarket she went to see Dr Pepper.

Source(s):

I just happen to be drinking dr pepper :P

Yo mommas so dumb she cooks with Old Spice.

• Crap joke...*cry*
• that were being talked about
• and Hungry.

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A collection of Jokes

Here is a collection of jokes to refresh your mind and lighten your mood. The collection keeps growing dynamically :-) so do not forget to come back from time to time. The collection is large - there are more than three hundred jokes and they are presented to you in a Java applet, so the applet loading takes some time. Please have some patience. Once the applet loads fully, you will find it worth the wait.

If you are easily offended or are a puritan, you may find some of the jokes offensive. If such is the case, please look for "clean jokes" or "puritan jokes" in some search engine.

Note: If the applet is not visible properly, just bring it in completely in view by scrolling,cool pictures, minimize and then restore the browser window.

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